Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize