I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
operation have a gay friend backfired
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
