So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
