Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize