He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
