Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
