I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize