I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
