The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
