I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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