I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You ruined the universe
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize