I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
