Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
