Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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