its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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