Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
