I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize