My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize