I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
