Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
