Reggie can tackle my bush.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
