Can i not drive my cunt home
I just made out with a guy for $7.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
