I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize