Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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