Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
