do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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