When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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