i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
