There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
