I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
