bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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