how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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