You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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