Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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