either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
