I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
