My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm bleeding and have questions
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
