Apparently you make a good broom.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
