I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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