Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
