oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
