I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
