I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
