Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
