Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
