Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
