is wine microwaveable?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
