I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
