I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
