my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
