Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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