I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
