is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
