So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
