U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
