I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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