It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
