You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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