before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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