found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
