i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize