May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
