Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
