I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
