forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
