Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
