We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
