I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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