Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I can't turn off my feet"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
