she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
