my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
