I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize