Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
