Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
