this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
