I faked an abortion last night.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
