so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
