I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize