you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
