sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
