hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
